


Remember Me

by Erick_nim



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Magical Realism, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29882643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erick_nim/pseuds/Erick_nim
Summary: When Changbin moves into his personal apartment he looks forward to a peaceful life with himself where no one would badger him anymore. But the thing is, Changbin has a little special trait - he can see ghosts
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin & Seo Changbin, Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

A suitcase gets rolled into the flat by a tired kick and stumbles over a doorway. A rucksack gets dropped on the floor and only a laptop bag gets carefully placed against the wall. Changbin shakes off his sneakers while massaging stiff shoulders and then starts looking around curiously. 

He was swamped with assignments so badly that they just didn’t let him break out from a vicious circle “dorm – university - dorm”. He enters his apartment for the first time seeing it in person and not on pictures. His parents dealt with the realtor and checked out some options and he himself only swung down to the real estate agency to sign the contract.

Dust particles are shining in the evening light pouring through the window. A square room is filled with boxes, a sofa that’s gonna be his bed stands in the middle of the living room and the kitchen is separated from that zone by a narrow table. In general, this small studio apartment is kinda nice. There’s enough space for him alone and once the place is decorated with his stuff the atmosphere will get much more comfortable. Most important thing is the fact that there are no roommates anymore, only silence and peace. 

“So who is it this time?” 

When Changbin proceeds from the hallway to the living room a young guy, probably his peer, walks out of the kitchen brushing back his honey-colored hair in a business-like manner and gives him an estimating look.

“This dude’s gonna watch porn and wail to stupid songs when drunk too, huh. At least, he’s got kind of a pretty face. Seems nice to look at.”  
“Thanks? And no, I’m not gonna do any of that stuff.” 

A pause.

“You… you hear me?” the guy freezes, eyes widened in shock.  
“Even more than that – I can see you.”

Seo Changbin has one little special trait – he can see ghosts. And they in their turn absolutely love hassling him once they know about that little trait because throughout the years of silence they’ve piled up words beyond any measure. 

“Please, say that you’re from another apartment,” Changbin looks at him almost pleadingly. “You’re not tied to this place, are you?”

The ghost that’s been in shock comes to his senses realizing his new reality rather quickly. He crosses his arms over his chest and lifts his chin challengingly. 

“Why? You wanna kick me out from my own territory?”  
“Well, technically it’s my territory.”  
“You’re a guest here,” he checks with a contract on the table. “Seo Changbin. My name is Hwang Hyunjin and this is _my_ house.”

The dreams about a peaceful life slip out of his hands just like sand pours down from a sack full of holes. Their relations grew tense from the very beginning. An appearance of a conversationalist excited the ghost and not in a very good way. He busily looked in the opened boxes when Changbin started unpacking his stuff and commented on everything he saw. 

“How old is that t-shirt? It’s all stretched and faded it belongs to the trash.”

“Place your sneakers properly why you just throw them into the wardrobe? At least wipe them don’t be a pig.”

“What the fuck do you need so many pens for? Did you rob a stationary shop?”

“All notebooks are so crumpled as if you’ve taken them outta your ass.” 

At first, Changbin tries to be understanding about it and hopes that they’ll get used to each other soon. Come to think of it, a roommate isn’t a bad thing especially when he’s not really alive. He doesn’t waste water, he doesn’t need a separate place, he doesn’t steal food from the fridge, he doesn’t ask to open or to close the window and he doesn’t leave a mess behind. Changbin keeps telling himself about it while showering in a barely warm water and blankly staring at the grey tile. Solitude that he was craving and that he was ready to pay for has cracked into pieces. What solitude can you have in an apartment with a person who can walk through doors? 

There’s no solitude even outside the apartment because Hyunjin follows him everywhere. He talks about everything he sees and actually Changbin even laughs a few times while they’re walking around a grocery store. He puts on earphones to make it seem like he’s not talking to himself. 

“I think this dude has an interesting plan for the evening,” Hyunjin stands next to a man in a leather jacket and examines his basket. “One cucumber, one carrot and a whole ass box of Vaseline. That other guy over there had a tab with porn opened in his phone maybe we should suggest them to cooperate or something?”  
“Mind your own business.”  
“Come on, you can tell right away that they’re both perverts.”

However, there’s nothing to be distracted by at home so he picks at Changbin. Changbin turns on movies for him, opens e-books with an auto scroll on the tablet, skips videos, shows comment sections to him. Because Hyunjin gets insolent when he’s bored. After a week of such a “heart-warming” life Changbin is barely holding on and does his best not to lash out. 

“Turn on a movie.”  
“Let me finish the book first.”  
“I’m bored.”   
“I can’t read when it’s noisy.”  
“Is that my problem?”  
“And is it my problem that you’re bored?”  
“Yes. Turn on my movie and go read in the toilet.”  
“I’m not gonna stay in the toilet because of you. Wait half an hour.”  
“Movie.”

Hyunjin stretches out his hand and blocks pages. It’s a bit transparent but the text isn’t visible anyway. 

“Fuck off,” Changbin sighs heavily and turns away to the edge of the sofa. 

It doesn’t stop Hyunjin at all. He leans forward and blocks the view with his hand again. 

“Put it away.”  
“Turn on my movie.”

In addition to page blocking the ghost starts singing loudly right into his ear. At that very moment Changbin loses it. 

“I’m so fucking sick of your bullshit!” the book flies right through the phantom chest, hits the sofa and lands on the floor with a clapping sound. “Why are you being such an asshole?”  
“I’m dead, Changbin,” Hyunjin spreads his arms with a mocking expression. “What else do you think can I do? You think I’ve got a lot of options?”  
“Yeah, not being an asshole for example. Does it feel so nice to give me all that shit? I’m trying to help you use the world of the living best I can and you only get cockier. I’m already on the verge of looking for a new apartment.”  
“I can go after you.”  
“Not if I rush into the taxi and take the fuck off. Then you’ll be left alone on the street again where nobody sees nor hears you.” 

Seems like Changbin’s words broke through the weak spot in a spiky armor. Because Hyunjin almost opens his mouth to say back something rude, but he just freezes. He closes his mouth, lowers his eyes and turns back sitting straight and looking somewhere at the floor. Arms cross over his chest, a ghost lock of hair falls down on his face. He looks half-offended half-brooding and only speaks after almost a minute. 

“It’s hard when no one notices you. No one can answer. I haven’t talked to anyone for a year and… I missed emotions. I just like seeing them, getting a reaction and it doesn’t matter what kind of a reaction it is. It at least shows that I exist. Even if in this pathetic form.”  
“You can get a reaction from me without driving me mad. I always respond to you. Your behavior only evokes negativity. Emotions don’t have to be negative to be strong. We either communicate normally or we don’t communicate at all.” 

Hyunjin throws his head back and lets out a noisy sigh. Learning cooperation again after such a long period of total loneliness is hard, but he understands what he’s being asked of. 

“Communicating is difficult.”  
“Try it. Conversations are better than arguments.”  
“I’ve always been that way. I guess.”  
“You remember your past?”  
“No,” Hyunjin’s distant gaze is fixed on the ceiling. “I just feel like that.”  
“You don’t remember anything at all then?”  
“I remember my name. For some reason I remember movies, books and other useless shit but that’s it.”  
“You don’t remember your death either?”  
“No. I opened my eyes and found myself on some street, nothing but name in my head. Quickly realized that nobody sees me. I was wandering around, then followed people. Figured out that I can’t go outside a certain area by myself, so I started to stick to some dudes and just followed them around. When I was done roaming I decided to settle down in this apartment,” a pause, “So I would at least have some certainty.” 

Surprisingly, Changbin notices sadness in his face. It’s probably scary to wake up without any memories and realize that you’re just a spirit that doesn’t have neither his own place nor an objective. You can’t ask anyone for help, you don’t know what to do. So he had nothing to do but create something like home in order to stop wandering around the streets days and nights. 

“I’ve met spirits who move around with their hosts, but none of them had a memory loss. That’s weird.”  
“Maybe,” Hyunjin shrugs. “At least I don’t have anyone to miss. One problem less.”  
“I’m sorry that it happened to you. But see? We can talk normally.”  
“It’s not as fun as seeing your pissed off face.” 

Changbin gives him a snarky look and draws back his lips with a distinct disapproval. 

“Yeah, that face. I’d say you’re intimidating if I didn’t know how stupidly you laugh at videos with stupid animals.”  
“I’d say you’re pretty if I didn’t know how much of a dickhead you can be sometimes.” 

Hyunjin raises his finger and has the urge to say something, but stops for a second and then nods a few times.

“Fair enough.”


	2. Chapter 2

The ghost’s insolence doesn’t disappear completely, but noticeably shrinks. Once he learned that his behavior could deprive him of an active company he started to control his dictatorship. He still asks to do things for him yet in four cases out of five he patiently waits instead of demanding capriciously. The atmosphere at home has become calmer and now they sometimes discuss videos that they’ve watched together not fighting over the laptop anymore. 

A couple of days later, the autumn break is over and Changbin has to drag himself back to the university again. Hyunjin who’s always excited over any opportunity to walk around a new place comes with him of course. Entering the classroom without any sort of enthusiasm Changbin falls down on his chair, throws a pen and a philosophy notebook on the desk and slouches back. He goes through his phone and then squints once he looks at the board. 

“What the… hey, wake up,” he pushes Jisung who was sitting at the desk beside him and the guy lifts his head reluctantly. “The fuck is that?”

On the white board there was an announcement written in a black marker: “Assessment of the leftover knowledge. Don’t be late.”

“He thought it’d be nice to ruin the mood from the very start.”  
“And the grades,” Changbin snorts. “Are you ready?”  
“You kidding me? Of course, not. Nobody’s ready except for the nerds.”  
“There’s no such thing as a good morning, am I right?” Hyunjin chuckles. “You’re so gonna get fucked.”  
“We’re all gonna get fucked.”  
“Damn right we are,” agrees Jisung and Changbin remembers that he has to be careful in the university. 

A few minutes later, their professor enters the room. He looks impolitely satisfied and definitely anticipates the results he could laugh at in the teachers’ room. He hands out the papers, explains how to fill in the blanks and sets the timer to forty minutes. The test starts accompanied by the song of disgruntled sighs. 

“What a shitty handwriting, even a circus monkey could write better,” Hyunjin gracefully marches between the desks staring at everyone’s notebooks. “There’s one guy copying everything from his phone, you wanna rat him out?” 

Changbin’s hand props his cheek. Hyunjin’s got it easy: no tests, no exams, no grades. He can just walk around and chatter talking about whatever his eyes fix on. And Changbin’s sitting there, racking his brain, trying to remember at least something of what they’ve studied. He somehow got not a too disgraceful grade during the mid-term after all. 

“Gosh, this moron wrote “Orestotel” instead of “Aristotle” how is he not expelled yet?”

The comments made this situation a little bit funnier but they were useless. Changbin couldn’t care less about other students’ problems when he himself was screwed. He barely answers first ten questions not being sure about any of them and smudges eraser shavings over the desk trying to remember what Epicureanism means. At one point, he suddenly feels enlightened but it has nothing to do with the Epicureanism. 

He coughs in order to catch the attention of the ghost who was observing something through the window. When nothing happens he coughs louder and drops the pen on the floor.

“Changbin, is everything okay?”  
“Yeah, it’s just a tickle in my throat. Sorry.”

Hearing his name Hyunjin turns around and finally catches his gaze.

“What? Are you calling me?” 

Changbin nods. While the ghost is making his way, he quickly scribbles in his notebook: “Read me the answers of that nerd from the first desk.” 

“Shit, what a brilliant idea you’ve come up with,” says Hyunjin in a snarky tone and squats in front of his desk resting his arms on it in a business-like manner. “And what’s in it for me?”  
“My gratitude.”  
“And what am I supposed to do with it? Shove it up my ass?”  
“What do you want?”  
“A house in Norway and a cool car.”  
“I’m serious goddammit is it so hard for you to help me?”  
“Cheating is bad, I just care about you and want you to have your own knowledge.”

Changbin’s gaze pierces him with a loud “I’m not buying that shit” wrapped all over it. They didn’t know each other when Hyunjin was still alive, but something’s telling Changbin that this brat not only cheated on tests, but just sat there openly with his phone on the desk and copied absolutely everything with no shame whatsoever. 

“Okay, I’ll be choosing movies and watching them whenever I want whether you’re reading or not for two weeks.”  
“Two weeks? Are you fucking crazy?”  
“You wanna score five points out of fifty just like that Orestotel over there?”  
“I’d rather have my five points than a slave contract,” Changbin shows him a middle finger. “A week.”  
“A week and a half.”  
“Nine days.”  
“Deal.” 

Concluding that it’s unlikely to get a better offer and he’ll find a way to negotiate himself something else later anyway Hyunjin claps his hands right before Changbin’s nose making him flinch and casually walks to the first desk. It belonged to a highly focused guy called Minho. 

“This dude?”

Changbin nods.

“I can tell that he’s a nerd right away, man, he’s almost done. Write this shit down I ain’t gonna repeat myself.” 

As a result, the annoying ghost has finally brought some considerable benefit. Not a free one but it’s better than nothing. All the answers are copied, a relief laid upon his soul. At least one good grade is guaranteed. Once the test is over a normal lesson starts. Hyunjin sits down on one of the desks so that a nose of a sleepy Jeongin pokes through his back. He listens for a while until he gets bored and then goes back to the window. 

During the break, tired Changbin lays down on his desk with a serious intention to sleep it off in a ten minutes span with all his might. Once he places his head on the notebook a well-known phantom voice rings next to his ear.

“Let’s go for a walk.”  
“I don’t wanna get up.”  
“Then don’t,” mumbles Jisung from the other side obviously not knowing that Changbin was talking to the ghost and not him.  
“I’m sick of staying in this room.” 

Changbin brushes him off with a hand. 

“Get your ass up. I can’t get to other floors without you and if I stick to someone else I might not be able to get back here.”

Sleeping seems much more appealing than roaming around the corridors and listening to him whine. Changbin puts headphones on and turns on the music so he couldn’t hear him anymore. Luckily, Hyunjin can’t touch him. When the break is over Jisung wakes him up. Changbin gets up lazily, stretches and sees the back of Hyunjin who was sitting at the front desk. He’ll pout for a while and then get back to normal. He’s not in a hurry anyway, he’ll have enough opportunities to walk. 

Another boring lesson starts. Changbin is blankly doodling with the pen in his notebook drawing vertical and horizontal lines in turns. If he just sits, he might fall asleep cause that’s happened in the last semester. His mind partially blacks out pulling him back from the real world. He comes back to his senses only when professor calls him by the name. 

“There are philosophers and the main points of their teachings on the interactive board. I want you to match them correspondingly.”  
“Ah, okay.” 

Changbin gives Hyunjin who turned around a meaningful look and then peeks at papers on the teacher’s desk. The answers must be written there. However, Hyunjin not only ignores them, but he stands up, his height exceeding Changbin’s, and crosses his arms over his chest blocking the white board. 

“I can’t see,” says Changbin emphasizing his words.  
“Can’t see? Give me a second I’ll change the font size,” professor nods and clicks. 

Changbin tightens his jaws and moves his head to the side asking the ghost to step back. 

“I don’t wanna step back,” he lifts up his shoulders a bit. “It feels so comfortable to stand right here, can you imagine?”  
“Can you see it now?”  
“Yeah it’s just… I don’t really remember this topic.”  
“It’s okay, let’s do it together. Read the first idea, please.”  
“Read, why don’t you say anything?” Hyunjin scoffs. “Everyone’s waiting.”  
“Move,” says Changbin silently moving his lips.  
“No. You better study instead of sleeping. For example, about postmodernism. You know what that is?” 

As if blocking the board wasn’t enough Hyunjin begins talking loudly about the postmodernism that he probably learned about during the last lesson. His voice layers on the voice of their professor who was trying to get something out of Changbin. A messed up cacophony booms in his ears, it’s impossible to make out anything comprehensible let alone seeing what was on the board. Changbin tries to keep it together, but when the ghost starts speaking louder he snaps. 

“Cut that bullshit already for fuck’s sake!”

A dazed silence falls upon the room after his scream. Even Hyunjin didn’t expect such a reaction and got quiet. All eyes are on Changbin who feels his blood drumming in his temples. His fists clench. Now everyone’s gonna think he’s crazy. 

“I apologize,” he says to their professor who literally froze beside the white board. “I… I’m not feeling well, my head’s all split. Can I go home?”

A bewildered pause. 

“Sure... You need some help? Someone should go with you.”  
“I’ll go,” Jisung gets up.  
“No, there’s no need to, I can handle it,” Changbin waves his hand dismissively and hurriedly throws his stuff into the rucksack. “Sorry.” 

He storms out of the room and walks an empty corridor at a rapid pace. His nerves are sizzling, ears reddened due to the anger. He never thought he could get so pissed that he wouldn’t be able to contain his rage at all. Probably, the fact that he couldn’t even explain everything to others accelerated it more. They don’t see ghosts after all. 

“You could’ve…”  
“Shut up,” Changbin turns round abruptly and stings stopped Hyunjin with a burning gaze. “Shut the fuck up or just get lost somewhere already.”

In the classroom windows at the right side, heads of surprised students turn to him. For them he was arguing with emptiness. Changbin closes his eyes tiredly and keeps on making his way to the exit. He’s already established a reputation of a lunatic for himself. 

He doesn’t look back when walking the street, not even once. He doesn’t care if Hyunjin’s following him or not. Changbin might be understanding but he’s not made of iron. If he snaps then he’ll stay overwhelmed for a time being that’s why he tries to keep distance in conflicts. At home, he puts on the headphones and goes to his unmade bed pulling the blanket over his head. 

Changbin wakes up in the afternoon. He squints at the light breaking through the window, turns off the music and stretches. The lower back feels sore. His eyes move over the apartment, but can’t find a familiar silhouette. He sits up, puts the blanket to the side and feels an unpleasant sludge around his diaphragm. He’s supposed to not care, why is he worried that the ghost’s not here? How much did he get attached to him during the past two weeks? Changbin is about to put on a hoodie to go outside when Hyunjin who heard him move comes in through the bathroom door. He didn’t leave. 

Hyunjin stands beside the door for a while, then comes forward and sits down on the other side of the sofa cross-legged. Arms also crossed, but not over his chest and instead his hands rest a bit over his elbows. For a few minutes, they just sit there looking at the dust swirling above the coffee table. Someone’s kicking yellow leaves outside making them rustle. 

“Are you really mad?” the ghost finally breaks the silence.  
“Not anymore.”  
“Good.” 

The apartment gets quiet again. Only a mild buzz of the refrigerator and a washing machine working upstairs dilutes the stillness. 

“I didn’t want to drive you over the edge,” Hyunjin continues at last. “I just wanted to tease you for ignoring me.”  
“I get it, but sometimes you should use your head to know when to stop,” Changbin’s hand gesticulates. “I’ve got my own life that’s not centered around you. A joke is a joke, but you have no right to ruin it cause I’m the one who’s gotta deal with everything.”  
“I felt so frustrated cause I can’t even push you to get your attention. When you close your eyes and put on the headphones I basically don’t exist. I’m an empty space again and that’s… unpleasant and scary. I’ve got no one else to turn to.”

Changbin rubs his neck letting out a long breath. It’s hard to deal with someone who doesn’t have a physical form. He didn’t realize how much it bothers Hyunjin to be sort of dependent on him. The ghost tries to conceal it but he’s constantly scared of being left alone again and he’s scared of it in any way – especially being ignored. Fear causes aggression as a defensive reaction. He spent the year unnoticed by anyone and that’s why he reacts so acutely to any reminder of that. Changbin for his part has always been running away from spirits who couldn’t leave him alone. But come to think of it, he got used to living with someone. Actually, it doesn’t bug him anymore. 

“We have to set frameworks that we both gotta stick to. I…” Changbin thinks deeply taking a look into himself and choosing the right words. “I don’t mind living with you. Except for these little conflicts, we are not so different for it to be a problem. Agree?”  
“Yeah.”  
“We exist in different dimensions and that’s why we should set everything so that we both feel comfortable. Which means sometimes I have to give in and sometimes you have to give in. But it never should be only one of us to completely stretch for the other one.”  
“Hold on. You mean, if we put it straight, you don’t want me to leave? And I’m not talking about pitying poor lost soul.”

Changbin catches his serious gaze. He remembers the urge to jump on his feet and go search for him in the streets. For sure, Hyunjin is enormously irritating sometimes, but he’s definitely not repulsive. He’s got that obnoxious charm, not to mention his attractiveness appearance-wise. 

“No, I don’t. I mean, you can be fun at times. At least it’s not lonely,” Changbin notices a happy smile flashing on his face. “Anyway, let’s discuss what each of us should and shouldn’t do.”

They’re figuring out what limitations satisfy both of them for almost half an hour. Hyunjin’s main condition is no ignoring. Changbin responds verbally or in writing if he’s able to do so. He at least is to show reaction by nods or other gestures. Hyunjin in his turn doesn’t intervene in Changbin’s conversations with other people and doesn’t hover around in front of him in the university. They have to arrange visiting other places together and if Changbin really is tired or sleepy then Hyunjin waits for him to feel better. At the same time, constant rejections aren’t allowed either. Those moments seem obvious yet they needed a huge argument and an honest conversation to get there.


	3. Chapter 3

After all compromises are set coexisting becomes easier. They’re sure something will come up eventually, but for now the main questions are solved. Sometimes Hyunjin bickers to tease Changbin when he needs his help during the lessons, but at the end he always gives him needed answers. Even at home he agrees to help him practice English words before a verbal examination looking like a king who has decided to show mercy, but ends up dictating him all the words when the examination starts anyway. 

At the same time, Changbin shows him the university and goes outside to take a walk in the campus park on breaks. He occasionally leaves Hyunjin there if the latter wants to watch trainings of the local sport teams and picks him up after classes. Sometimes Hyunjin yells from the outside talking gibberish out of boredom or telling him about rumors that he overheard which makes Changbin giggle and get puzzled looks from Jisung. 

“They’re sharing dope in the room C168,” his voice comes from the window. “Some funky herbs, but of dubious quality if you ask me. You know who’s the pusher? Your library dude. Hell, I told you that people like him never smile so blissfully without a reason; this dude’s just high all the time. Fucking Alice in the Cannabisland.” 

Every now and then Hyunjin also adds to his entertaining function yet another one. Something between brain fucking and nobility. Changbin turns off the alarm that was urging him to resurrect for the first class. The mind turns off as fast as it turned on. Even the hardest sofa feels like the softest silk in the morning. 

“Get up, student,” a mocking voice pulls him out of the sleep. “You’re gonna be late.”  
“Fuck it.”  
“Come on get your ass up. You’ll sleep it off when you come back home.”   
“Fuck off.”

Changbin frowns and covers his face with a pillow.

“I could but professor will give you penalty points. Quit whining,” Hyunjin walks around the sofa and leans to his ear. “Get up!”

Changbin twitches startled, grunts and throws the pillow away. Right above him there’s the ghost’s mischievous face with a honey lock of hair swaying in the air. Changbin sleepily observes him for a while and then rubs his eyes. 

“I’m awake okay? The hell you want from me?”  
“Rise and shine, cloud.”  
“What cloud?”  
“A rain cloud,” Hyunjin sits on the coffee table and chuckles. “All grim and disgruntled but actually not scary at all.”

Two weeks pass by and Changbin notices that the ghost has become much calmer. Still rather cocky but it feels as if he was finally convinced that emotional reactions that he can get aren’t limited and there’s no need to badger the living hell out of his host. Hyunjin restored the emotions that he was lacking and now normal communication on an ongoing basis is enough for him. However if he’s talking he always turns around to make sure that Changbin’s listening to him. To feel that he’s really being heard. He doesn’t admit it but he literally revels in the fact that he _exists_. 

Hyunjin likes movies, he likes sharing his opinion, discussing it, arguing about minor details. If they watch something together they always talk about it for at least an hour afterwards. Changbin isn’t just being polite, he catches himself actually enjoying the discussions because the ghost has a point and is always ready to process Changbin’s thoughts from his own perspective. Harshly but honestly. Changbin especially likes it when Hyunjin is so hyped by an idea that he actively throws hands in the air and starts marching around the apartment while thinking out loud. Just like an alive human. 

Hyunjin also likes everything new. New stores in their district, new cafes, new routes between buildings. He’s spent too much time in one place. That’s why one day Changbin thinks that he himself wouldn’t mind breaking out through the cycle they’re used to. After a nice sleep on Sunday he eats breakfast and then starts putting on a hoody. 

“Going to the store?”  
“To the cinema downtown.”

The dark eyes of the ghost seem like they’ve flared up though there’s nothing to get flared in the phantom. 

“We’re going to the cinema?”  
“Any objections?”  
“Hell no, I thought you never crawl outta your cave besides the uni,” he springs onto his feet. “Get dressed faster, rain cloud, let’s fucking go.” 

Hyunjin looks so excited that Changbin suppresses a smirk that was trying to break out. The ghost had bad luck with a homebody-host, but sometimes Changbin is up for a walk and some fresh air. Moreover, it was deserved: lately Hyunjin has been helping him almost without complaints and blames. 

On the way to the subway station the phantom is almost absorbing the surrounding with his eyes while spinning his head around. Bright advertisement posters, vocal announcements, funkily dressed up people, display cases decorated by god knows what, food vans. He doesn’t even grumble at streams of people who were passing right through him cause he was too lost in scanning everything around him. From time to time Changbin peeks at his left to keep him in his sight. Being a ghost, Hyunjin’s always wearing the same clothes that his soul left the body in: sneakers, black jeans, a white t-shirt and a wide graphite shirt with rolled sleeves. Easy to look over in the crowd so Changbin has to focus on his hair and height. 

Changbin doesn’t like the subway, he doesn’t like public transport in general. There are always restless spirits there. His station in no exception. An escalator gets people down to the brightly lit area that is no different from dozens of other stations. Changbin glances at the farthest part of the platform and sees a sad girl who was sitting on a bench. She’s always sitting there and sometimes she jumps on the rails getting back up every time, of course. 

“She killed herself, didn’t she?” asks Hyunjin noticing where he was looking.   
“Yeah. Long time ago, I think when the platform was still open and didn’t have all these glass borders.”  
“Did you talk to her?”  
“No. I don’t like talking to…” Changbin remembers that there are people around him who think that he’s on the phone and chooses words carefully. “To them.”  
“You’re afraid they might follow you?”  
“And that’s too yeah. Actually not many of them can follow along, they’re usually strictly tied to their energy spots. It’s just those like her or those who were deliberately killed have a very heavy aura. It’s cold, dark and thick. I don’t wanna hear about their problems, especially because there’s nothing I can do for them. And they usually can’t shut up.”  
“That’s why you don’t like going outside,” realizes Hyunjin.  
“Yeah. It’s possible to collect a whole ass horde on the way.”  
“Aren’t you scared of them? Of us, I mean.”  
“What’s scary about you? You can’t do anything to me physically besides fucking my brain and ruining my mood,” Changbin sneers. “I used to though. When I realized that it wasn’t normal I was terrified, but then I got used to it. After all these years.”  
“I’m still not comfortable. I tried to avoid them when I was roaming round the streets. Even though I’m the same.”  
“You’re different. There are many different types depending on what happened but it’s the first time I meet your situation. You’re light.”  
“At least I’m not suicidal,” Hyunjin sniffs entering the carriage with Changbin. “I wouldn’t want to be on a leash at the same place.”  
“And in the same loop. They’re all stuck. Always get back to the same point. What a fucked up fate.” 

The conversation about the spirit world ends. They wobble in the subway for thirty minutes checking the timetable and choosing a movie. It was a spontaneous walk so Changbin didn’t plan anything. It actually was funnier. However, the spirit world reminds of itself when they get back up to the surface and go through the park. There’s an active chatter coming from the field circled with benches. Changbin stares trying to figure out what that gathering was about, but he realizes that they were all spirits too late. The spirits get quiet for a few seconds when they notice his gaze. 

“Ya see us?” growls one of the guys in a hoarse voice of a heavy smoker. 

Changbin immediately looks away pretending to just be looking around and walks faster.

“What’s wrong?” Hyunjin is confused.   
“He’s talking to a ghost! He can see us!”  
“Hey ya come here let’s talk!” a guy with messy hair and scratched hands runs to him and so do the others.  
“How can we leave this place?”  
“Why are we stuck here?”  
“Fuck,” mumbles Changbin almost switching to running.   
“Stay there kid!”  
“Fuck off y’all,” suddenly roars Hyunjin making Changbin stop and turn around in surprise. “Cut that jabbering you fucking junkies. Probably butchered each other and now have nothing to do but whine. Served you well.”  
“No one asked your opinion, pretty face, get fucked.”  
“Say that again and I’mma fuck up your face pretty well.”

Hyunjin puffs out his chest and menacingly walks towards them. The group of ghosts that was determined to talk starts to slow down and freeze a couple of meters before them. It seems like the energy of Hyunjin, who proudly lifted his chin and crossed arms over his chest in a belligerent manner covering Changbin with himself, was suppressing them. 

“It’s my medium, you hear me? He doesn’t solve supernatural problems, so he ain’t gonna help you. And he ain’t gonna listen to your shittalk, he’s busy.”  
“Busy with what?”  
“With me, you dickhead. That’s it, get back to your spot. There’s nothing you can get here.”

The puzzled company is hesitant, swaying on their feet. Some of them spit at Hyunjin’s direction with disappointment and go back. They gather around the field again and peer at him with irritation. Meanwhile Hyunjin makes sure that they gave up and then comes back to Changbin. 

“Well, look at you.”  
“They should know their place. Are we supposed to run away and sneak like some losers? As hell we are. Don’t they dare mess with us.”  
“Or what are you gonna do to them?” Changbin who recovered from shock finds Hyunjin strutting around rather funny.   
“Something. Can ghosts fight each other?”  
“Never seen that.”  
“Well that’s a pity. I think I did something to them anyway. They kinda shrank in a way.”   
“There was a strong energy wave coming from you. It’s like you pushed them back and that’s why they couldn’t get close to me.”  
“Good. They won’t bother us again.”  
“Did you sign up to be my bodyguard or something?”  
“You owe me,” Hyunjin snaps his fingers in front of Changbin’s nose. “They better go look for another medium. I booked you first, we’ve got a deal. Come on, let’s go.”

He stretches massaging his shoulders in a showy manner and extends his middle finger towards the gloomy company for last. Changbin who was trying to process what happened can’t stop smiling and keeps glancing at him for a while. He didn’t expect that Hyunjin would protect him. To be precise, he didn’t expect that something like that could happen at all. But it seems like the ghost is too self-sufficient and jealous to let anyone else come close to his host. He thought that the territory was occupied by him and had no intention of sharing whatsoever. 

They get to the cinema without any other incidents. Changbin buys a ticket for a thriller and realizes that having a ghost companion has its perks. The ghost doesn’t need to buy a ticket neither does he need food. While they’re waiting for the beginning Hyunjin checks out other halls to see if there are any interesting films they could watch next time. 

They enter their hall and sit in the middle but closer to the back. As expected from Sunday there was a lot of people. Changbin turns down the brightness on his phone and comfortably slouches back in the seat munching on popcorn. Hyunjin who was wandering around the projection room comes back seconds before the screen flashes and sits on Changbin’s right. While the advertisements are playing people who got late keep coming in. A young couple is going through their row and instead of passing by a man falls down right on Hyunjin. 

“Asshole,” the irritated ghost jumps up and throws a fist at him.

Changbin covers his mouth with his hand trying hard not to laugh. 

“Hope you’re not getting laid tonight, fucking dickhead.” 

Hyunjin spits at him with invisible saliva, pouts and sits on Changbin’s left. The latter almost cackles shaking in his seat. He was so sorry nobody else could see this scene. 

“The hell are you laughing at? Should I sit on you?”

Changbin reassuringly taps the seat next to him where Hyunjin’s knee was supposed to be while still giggling silently. He’s never seen anything funnier in his life. How many people accidentally sit on poor ghosts not even suspecting that they exist? It isn’t painful of course, but falling through the matter of someone’s insides probably isn’t a nice feeling. 

Luckily, there were no other newcomers on their row so Hyunjin saved his place. Thanks to his invisibility, he could do whatever he wanted and in the middle of the movie he just laid down putting his feet up on the seat in front of him. All the comments that appeared inside his bright head he verbalized without any filtration aloud. 

“Why are you coming to her place you dumb fuck? She’s the one who started all that shit,” the ghost jumps up when the main hero does a thing he shouldn’t have. “Right, sure, you deserved that – a fucking chair thrown at your stupid face. Next time you’ll think with your brain instead of your dick.”

As soon as the film ends, he emotionally begins to share his impression, without even waiting for Changbin to leave the hall, where he could pretend that he is on the phone. Instead of going home right away, they walk around the neighborhood discussing what they watched. Hyunjin manages to express his thoughts on topic and cheerfully look around catching everything at once with his eyes. He walks around an intricate fountain with statues, runs into an antiques store while Changbin is waiting for his coffee across the street and is generally in the highest spirits. He has never been so excited before. 

Having quenched his thirst for a change of scenery, Hyunjin in the following days turns out to be quite accommodating and even wakes Changbin up less intrusively allowing him to lie in bed for extra fifteen minutes. Walking together is surprisingly rewarding and helps them get a little closer spiritually. Sitting locked up in between four walls still somehow affected them, pushing them against each other, and in public places they could be together, but at the right distance at the same time.

On the next weekend, they go to the cinema again, after which they walk around. They turn onto another street and stumble upon a small art museum where there was an open exhibition to celebrate the autumn holidays. Concluding that they will not lose anything from the free entrance, even if the exhibition turns out to be boring, they decide to go in.  
There were practically no people in the serene solemnity. Visitors who scattered around different parts of the building were looking at huge paintings dedicated to music. Some canvases depicted magnificent concerts, on some of them there were charming young men and women thoughtfully plucking the strings of huge harps. Hyunjin wasn't particularly impressed, but he walked down the painting-hung hallway with curiosity anyway. He enters the next room and finds himself directly at the exhibition of musical instruments. He passes by a standard piano and stops in front of a pear-shaped instrument that resembled a guitar.

“It’s a lute,” says Changbin quietly when coming closer to him.  
“I know it without you.”   
“What’s the difference between a mandola and a lute?”  
“Well…” Hyunjin frowns as he thinks. “Who cares? Are you an expert?”  
“Mandola is a type of lute. It’s more compact.”

Now the ghost seems intrigued. He tilts his head and looks at his host closely.

“Did you google that to show off or do you really know that shit?”  
“I love music. Lutes are very unusual, old, but recently they are returning to the industry again. They sound somehow softer and more airy than guitars. They are over four thousand years old, can you imagine? Even the people of Mesopotamia had played on them. I think it's dope.” 

Hyunjin widens his eyes, opens his mouth and then smiles approvingly. He sincerely hadn't expected to see Changbin from that side. The host notices his gaze and lets out a chuckle.

“What’s with that face?”  
“Turns out you’re kinda smart.”  
“Turns out,” Changbin chortles.   
“You know what I mean,” Hyunjin casually waves it off. “Respect.”  
“You know what respect is?”  
“Fuck you,” Hyunjin rolls his eyes and steps back. “You ain’t gonna hear any complements from me again, pleb.” 

Despite his words, a minute later Hyunjin decides to get to him again and pokes his fingers at various instruments, asking him to tell something about them. It’s not difficult for Changbin, so he digs out all the funniest facts that he could remember out of his mind palace and for that he gets surprised and approving looks. He literally felt like Hyunjin was marking plusses in his mental profile.

Apparently, this unexpected side shakes the ghost so much that he doesn’t calm down even at home. In the evening, he sits next to Changbin on the couch and ends up turning away from the book he was reading and waves his hand in front of his eyes in order to get attention. Changbin takes off his headphones and pauses the book's auto-scrolling.

“You write music, right?” Hyunjin nods at his laptop. “I saw an opened program. You’re always doing something there.”   
“I sorta do yeah,” Changbin answers a little distantly. “I’m not doing it professionally. Just dick around and sometimes watch tutorials. It’s just a hobby.”  
“Let me hear it.”  
“Why?”  
“Cause I’m curious, duh.”  
“You’re gonna shit all over it.”  
“Why do you think so? And even if I do, I’ll at least do it honestly. Who else is gonna spit facts right at your face?”

He’s got a point. Changbin has never met such straightforward people. If Hyunjin doesn’t like it, then he clearly will not play up, but will dissect every piece he doesn’t like.

“Okay.” 

Changbin unplugs the headphones, adjusts the volume and finds the most recent version of the track he wrote in the folder. When clicking the play button he tries not to show that he is nervous. The studio apartment gets filled with an acoustic piano sound with muted echoes in the background and calm beats gradually pouring in. The background melody becomes deeper, sometimes subtle effects slip through, scattering the sound for a few moments. The beats disappear, only the connecting piece is left, and then they reappear with enhanced bass. An old-school chill without sudden changes that does not strain your ears.

“Ready for me to shit on you?” asks Hyunjin when the track is finished.  
“Spit it out.”  
“Ain’t gonna happen,” he curves his lips with satisfaction. “I don’t wanna admit it, but I liked it.”  
“An ass like you really liked it?”  
“I’m serious. The main melody seems to be quite calm, but in the beats you can feel the power. Not even aggression, but some kind of an impulse. This ... I can see how in some windswept field near the mountains someone raps about fatigue, sickness and readiness to build a new reality. That’s something I would add to my playlist.”

Changbin looks at him with genuine confusion then rubs his neck and chuckles. He was preparing for the worst, but suddenly he gets flattered instead.

“That’s nice to hear.”  
“You haven’t finished it yet, have you?”  
“No. I wanna make bridges smoother and add something else, it definitely needs another verse.”  
“You’ve got something else?”  
“There’s one track but it’s more of a trap soul alley.”  
“DJ, drop the beat.”  
“You really find it interesting?”  
“Yeah. I think I knew a thing or two about it when I was alive. I mean I get what you’re talking about and I can even think of possible lyrics that would fit in.”

A thoughtful “hmm” gets lost in a mouse click. Changbin didn't think he could discuss music with him. No one has ever heard his own tracks, the ghost is the first to give them a try. Changbin turns on the second track and watches his reaction. Hyunjin listens intently, fingers tapping his knee to the beat. In the end, he again gives his approval, however, noting that he liked the first one more.

Hyunjin is half-laying on the couch, head tilted to the side. He looks at the instruments in the program, where Changbin is applying different effects to the part he wants to change. Setting the melody to play, Changbin turns and stares at him. Not busy-like and not cocky, he’s just laying there relaxed, eyes are slightly closed. One would think that he was sleepy if only he had a need for sleep. A strand of honey hair falls to the forehead, clinging to the eyelashes. Hands are on the couch, knuckles seem like touching Changbin's thigh, but of course they just go right through. Changbin has never seen him like this before. It looks like Hyunjin finally feels at home. Both of them became comfortable.


	4. Chapter 4

After another week, instead of a sort of a new tradition of going out on the weekends, they go for a walk with Changbin's friends. Jisung decides to gather together to take a break from studying and relax. The outing is not very convenient in the sense that next to his friends, Changbin can’t talk to Hyunjin. However, the ghost says that he doesn’t mind. He will just wander around somewhere nearby, he always finds something to do in new places after all.

The diner lit by the dull yellow light is not very spacious, but here they serve excellent meat, give free snacks, the music is not too loud and it smells of burnt oil and fresh lettuce. After a shot of soju, the guys begin to discuss everything that has happened in the past couple of months, grilling pork along the way. It was pleasant to talk with old friends about something mundane. Changbin feels the pressure from his studies relieving for a while.

“What else is new? Did you get yourself a boyfriend?” asks Chan who was sitting in front of him after a few other shots.  
“Me? Nah.”

Changbin chuckles, shaking his head, and looks out the window, where he sat down to have a view of the entire area. Hyunjin is sitting by the fountain with the lighting that switches to the music, watching the light show with curiosity. The lights can’t reflect from him due to the lack of a body, but those that were behind him illuminated the skin from the back side, highlighting the main features of the face.

“What’s with that dreamy gaze?” Seungmin giggles with suspicion pushing his shoulder.   
“You’re drunk, man, my gaze is completely fine.”  
“So is there someone you like?” asks Jisung while wrapping meat in a perilla leaf and loading it with garlic.  
“No.”   
“Oh come on. What’s even your type?”   
“I don’t know. Never thought about that. It depends.”  
“Let’s dream a little,” Chan puts his elbows on the table and starts a consulting session with a serious face. “You can leave out the appearance.”  
“That’s not fun,” whines Jeongin from the other side with disappointment.   
“We gotta start somewhere and figure it out as we go. So, what kind of people do you like?”  
“Gosh, you can’t just let me be, can you?” Changbin sighs heavily and wipes sweat from his forehead. “Well… I don’t like people who are too sensitive, I mean who react strongly to everything I say. I like it more when we just tease each other knowing that it’s a joke, you know this type of vibe.”  
“It’s cause you’re a dick,” Seungmin nods pouring himself cold water.  
“Thanks, dude.”  
“Don’t mind him. Continue.”  
“I really don’t know,” Changbin ponders trying to fetch out some comprehensible thoughts out of the overall mind stream. “A person who’s got his personality, his own opinion. Not someone who agrees with the surrounding without thinking, but someone who can say right to my face that there’s something he doesn’t like or on the contrary something he likes. Someone who’s outgoing so we don’t just sit there in the silence, but at the same time we should be able to do our own things separately and don’t feel some kind of tension because of that. Someone who can stop me when I get carried away. Something like that.”  
“You know, it kinda feels like you’re describing a certain person,” Chan squints slyly. “Too many details.”  
“Bullshit. Let’s change the topic.” 

Changbin pours soju into glasses. He doesn't like to talk about something so personal. While eating meat, he notices that Hyunjin is no longer at the fountain. Stretching out his neck, he examines the area and doesn’t see him anywhere. He probably entered some building to listen to other people's conversations since he loves doing that.

“What do you keep looking at all the time?”  
“The fountain’s beautiful.”

Another quarter of an hour passes. The stomach is already full, the drinks are also not coming through anymore. Nobody liked getting hammered in their company, so after a few bottles they switch to water and focus on communication. As Seungmin recounts an incident from his sociology exam, Hyunjin suddenly appears at the door. Changbin lifts his head at him, nodding slightly, and looks into the glass to avoid the attention of the others.

“You done? There’s something like a park with glowing figures behind the shopping mall, I wanna go see it. Thought about sticking to someone and going there alone, but I’m afraid of losing you.”

Considering Hyunjin's situation with depending on hosts, the phrase is quite normal. But Changbin unexpectedly highlights it, saves it in his memory. Hyunjin is afraid of losing him. He worries that he will not be able to go back and find him again. He needs him.

“Guys, you done? Let’s take a walk maybe?” Changbin pushes away extra thoughts that were probably caused by the alcohol and finishes a glass of cold water. “There’s a park nearby. We’ll make it to the subway in time from there.” 

It was a little strange to walk with such a company. To the left of Changbin his friends are walking and in front of him Hyunjin whom no one else can see or hear is showing the way. After a few meters, the ghost turns around and walks with his back forward, addressing him.

“Did you have fun?”

Changbin nods.

“There’s a small exhibition hall next to the shopping mall. It’s full of different figurines made of colored glass. They even have you.”

Changbin frowns in confusion.

“A dark grey rain cloud under the ceiling. You know in what color it’s lit from above? Pink.”

Changbin rolls his eyes. However, he can't help but flash a smile. Because Hyunjin laughs happily enjoying the fact that he managed to get to him. At least he was having fun. Changbin was actually a little worried that he would be insulted to wander around alone, so his good mood makes him feel relieved.

After a short rest, a new circle of quicksand-like weekdays begins. They usually follow the same scenario. Hyunjin wakes Changbin up for the class and either goes with him or stays at home to watch live shows he has been hooked on over the past two weeks. Changbin comes home, gets some sleep, does homework and then they watch movies together or each of them goes about their own business. The established order suits both and gets violated only once. Parents visit Changbin after two and a half months of independent life. 

After agreeing on everything in advance, Hyunjin settles down on the floor by the window in front of a charging tablet with an automatically scrolling book. Usually he sits like this at night, so he wouldn’t disturb Changbin’s sleep, but at the same time he would be able to entertain himself with at least something. This time he sits so as not to flicker before his eyes and not distract him.

Parents arrive at about six. Mom immediately furnishes the table with her cooking, scolds Changbin for his face that got thinner and talks about how many juicy pumpkins grew in their grandparents’ village. The father joins in and tells him about repairing the leaking roof, after which they finally begin to ask him about his studies. Changbin seems to be smiling until the conversation is about the future and work.

“Have you already found the companies you’re gonna apply to?”  
“Mom, there’s still a whole year left.”  
“It will pass in a blink of an eye. You have to prepare for interviews now so you could get a job in a nice company. Don’t you wanna earn a lot of money and work in a prestigious office? It’s the only way you can provide for your family.”  
“I know,” Changbin’s voice got duller, which catches Hyunjin’s attention immediately.   
“What do you do after classes? Waste your time fooling around with music again instead of doing something for a good future?” asks his father strictly.  
“It’s possible to make a living with music too.”   
“Changbin,” mother’s disappointed voices gets a ton higher. “You know how many musicians like that are out there? Busking on the streets and begging when they could find a decent job. Stop playing around, you’re not a child anymore. I thought you grew out of this.”

Instead of responding Changbin lowers his head and tears a tissue into pieces under the table.

“We could sign you up for counselling if you’re not listening to us. To doctor Park who was helping you. You don’t see any of those… friends anymore, right?”  
“No, mom. It was all just childhood fantasies.”

Hyunjin has stopped reading long time ago. Instead, he looks worriedly at saddened Changbin. So he was taken to therapy when he said that he sees and hears what is inaccessible to others. He was getting "treated".

“It’s time to grow up, son. You can’t live off us forever and your music won’t feed you. You either look for a decent job or go to the graduate school to get master’s degree in business administration and then seek employment. You understand me?”  
“Yes, dad.”

After sitting for another quarter of an hour and discussing how all the acquaintances and acquaintances of their acquaintances live, the parents leave, reminding him of work again. Changbin hugs them goodbye, closes the door and sits down heavily on the sofa. Hyunjin, who has moved to the kitchen, looks appraisingly at his hunched figure.

Changbin's shoulders are drooping, elbows on his knees, face hidden in his hands. He is usually quite reserved, so it is upsetting to see him in such a depressed state. His figure seems too lonely and lost in the dim light of the quiet apartment. Hyunjin walks over to the couch to rest a hand on his shoulders encouragingly. However, the hand, of course, flies right through them. Right. He's just a useless ghost. Hyunjin keeps forgetting about it more often by being around him. Because next to him he feels alive. But the reality is cruel - he actually does not exist and he cannot even support him significantly.

“They’re wrong,” Hyunjin takes it as it is and sits on the floor in front of him. “You’re not wasting your time. Wanting to do what you like is normal.”  
“Can’t make money off it though.”  
“Why? Everything’s possible. You gotta try and find a way, find your audience. Even if it doesn’t happen quickly and you have to work in another place it’s not the end of the world.”  
“If only someone would hire me at least somewhere.”  
“They will. All those interviews are the same, you can find successful answers on the internet. You don’t even have to learn anything – I’ll read you everything from a paper. You hear me?”

Hyunjin claps his hands to get his attention. Changbin finally raises his head and looks at him. He looks at him for a long time thinking about many things simultaneously. 

“You know, I was so devastated when I moved here and learned I’d have to live with you,” his voice is quiet, but the corners of his mouth end up curving. “And now I’m glad it turned out like that. It would’ve been too lonely and hard to be alone. You at least help me not to fall apart.”  
“Damn right I do. So get your shit together and stop pitying yourself. I’m not gonna let you slobber.”  
“And what are you gonna do to me?” a chuckle. “I can put on my headphones, turn on the music and close my eyes. You won’t reach me.”   
“Sooner or later you’ll take off your headphones anyway. And you will of course open your eyes. And that’s when I,” Hyunjin suddenly leans closer. “Will stick in front of you for days. You’ll have to stare at my amazing face for hours and hours.”

Changbin is initially lost, shutting down for a few seconds. Hyunjin is so close that he almost buried his nose in him. He smiles snidely, his elongated eyes, however, show an absolutely serious attitude. A lock of honey hair slips out from behind his ear and wiggles. Too beautiful to argue with him.

“I already…”

Realizing the meaning of the words that almost came off his tongue, Changbin immediately gets up from the couch.

“What?”  
“I said I already see your damn face everywhere I go,” Changbin grabs clothes and a towel from a wardrobe and heads towards the bathroom. “Better go to bed early today. I’m tired.”

In the shower, he stands leaning his forehead against the cold tiles and looks blankly at the sink. Thoughts bite his consciousness more than ever. He's a ghost. You can't get attached to spirits. Hyunjin is not essentially human anymore, so why is he causing such a reaction? Changbin has already resigned himself to the demands of his parents, so he forgets about their conversation quickly. Now something else begins to bother him. Hyunjin gets too close sometimes and he doesn't mind. Not at all. He gets lost and in their case it is unacceptable. 

Changbin isn’t the only one who started thinking about it. At night Hyunjin reads books, but one foggy Thursday the book ends earlier than expected, with more than an hour left before the alarm clock goes off. The ghost examines the already threadbare and learned to the last detail landscape outside the window. He hears a blanket rustling on the couch and gets up. 

Tired of the day, Changbin sleeps, covered up to his waist and wrapping his arms around the edge of the blanket. The hair on the back of his head is disheveled and curling upward in a funny way. Above the cheekbone there is a trace from the pillow. Hyunjin rests his elbows on the back of the couch and leans in slightly watching him. Changbin has a rather large nose, dark skin, and a suddenly triangular face. The eyebrows are furrowed, the lower lip is drawn back in sleep. The ghost reaches for him with a finger, as if smoothing a crease between his eyebrows. Naturally, nothing happens. 

He sees this face every day yet he never gets bored of it. It has become a symbol of understanding and home. Hyunjin is calmer when it's in front of his eyes. But he is so damn curious what Changbin _really_ feels like. The ghost puts his hand on Changbin’s forearm, preventing it from going through and holding it in the air. He has no recollection of what the touch is. Probably something nice, he read about it. What is Changbin's skin like? Is it warm? Hot? Cold? Is it smooth? Or maybe a little dry? What is his hair like? Soft? Stiff? Spiky? Silky?

Hyunjin chokes out a heavy sigh. He would like to be able to touch him. Give him a shoulder when he falls asleep on the couch. Wipe the toothpaste off his cheek in the morning. Give him a high-five after a joke. Poke his ribs to badger him when they are sitting next to each other. Slap the back of his head when he’s getting annoying. Maybe even hug him. Anything to feel that he really exists. 

Changbin clearly does not have any strong need for physical or verbal contact - he has friends who constantly fill it. And Hyunjin only has Changbin. Actually, he understands that he doesn't need anyone else. Even if he comes across a crowd of mediums who would be willing to ride him around the world, he will not go anywhere. He doesn't need others. He likes Changbin as a person, even if he himself is just a spirit. In the end, Changbin didn't turn his back on him even when Hyunjin was acting like a complete asshole. He didn't leave him. He found things for him to do so that he would not be bored. Although he didn't owe him anything. He just wanted to do so and Hyunjin appreciates it more than he could admit.

Sometimes it seems that Changbin also forgets the boundaries of their worlds. They lie on the couch, idly chatting about similar soundtracks from mainstream films. Before that, they spent an hour and a half discussing the plot twists of the detective they’d watched. Changbin notices that a lock of Hyunjin's hair is curled up and dangling from the parting. He reaches out to fix it and only when his fingers go right through does he realize what he was trying to do. They both freeze for a second. 

“Sorry, I…” Changbin lets out a quiet chuckle. “I forgot.”  
“Is that better?” Hyunjin brushes back his honey hair with his hand. “Gosh I wish there was a ghost shop so I could buy a hairband or a scrunchie.”  
“You still look good without it.”  
“If only it didn’t get to my fucking face.”

Hyunjin puts his palms over his stomach and lazily closes his eyes. Just like an alive human. Changbin had begun to forget all too often that he was just a spirit. You can't touch him. Sometimes his hands unconsciously reach out to Hyunjin. To turn him around, to grab him by the elbow, to pull him closer. Unsuccessfully every time. It was difficult to process this fact, his consciousness seemed to still resist admitting that it was impossible.


End file.
